The other night I put together these salmon hors d’oeuvres when friends were coming over:  wafer-thin crackers, goat cheese and smoked roasted salmon.  (The salmon may have been the headliner here, but the crackers and cheese are two of my absolute favorite foods and stole the show.  The crackers – or “crispbread” according to the makers – come from 34°.  I buy the goat cheese every week at the Franklin, TN Farmer’s Market from Noble Springs Dairy.)

The appetizers tasted delicious, but they looked pretty drab on the plate all on their own.  So out to the garden I went and snipped some chives.  (As pitiful as my garden is, even I can’t kill chives.)  Then I picked up a paring knife and a Roma tomato and got to work on the rose.  You can find detailed instructions for creating a tomato rose on our Tips page.

Believe me…If I can do it, you can do it.

Rose Tomato and Chives Perk Up the Presentation

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When I hosted our little “island-themed” dinner party a few weeks ago, I created a palm tree out of a cucumber and a green pepper.  I used it on a platter of hors d’oeuvres.  (I would have used that picture, but it was terrible.  I really have to take some photography lessons.)

My only dilemma was how to make the cucumber stand up without falling over.  I could have put in on a florist frog – if only I had had one.  As I was rummaging through drawers for ideas, I came across some corn-on-the-cob holders, and…voila!  I stuck them around the bottom of the cucumber and then covered them up on the platter with some big hydrangea leaves.

Directions for making the palm tree:

With a sharp paring knife, cut small semi-circular gashes into the skin of the cucumber.  Make the cuts very thin and at least ½ inch long.  Cut both ends of the cucumber so that they’re flat.  Put the cucumber in ice water for a couple hours to allow the cuts to open.

Remove the bottom of the green pepper and remove the cores and seeds.  Cut up into the peppers from the bottom, leaving the tops intact.  Cut the sections to resemble leaves.  Make diagonal cuts along the sides of the leaves.  Put the pepper in ice water with the cucumber.

Attach the “leaves” to the “trunk” with whatever is handy.  I used a couple sewing needles.  Straight pins or toothpicks should work too.

When you’ve got it assembled, celebrate with a Mai Tai!  I did.  Actually two…but who’s counting?

Saucy Sis1

Years ago in college, my roommate, Connie, taught me that every girl must have  candles to “set the mood.”  I took it to heart  one Saturday night when she was out with her boyfriend and I was hoping to get lucky.  I lit up our dorm room with all of her purple candle sticks stuck in Mateus bottles and any other seemingly cool vessel wishing for a last-minute date from, well, any guy.  The phone never rang and I proceeded to fall asleep with all the candles burning.  Fortunately I didn’t burn down our dorm building, but I did manage to get wax all over our possessions – mostly Connie’s, including her prized record player.

The experience didn’t stop me from lighting candles, but now I look for safer and more inspired table lighting techniques.  Which brings me to my latest creation -  a fruit, herb and vegetable votive.

Here’s how to set your table:

Use any fruit, vegetable or herb of your choice.  I selected key limes, mini red and yellow peppers and thyme and mint from my garden.  (I had to punch small holes in the peppers to keep them from popping to the top of the glass.)  Put these into any clear glass and add water.  Top with a tea light.

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(If you could see our “parade,” you’d laugh.  Residents decorate their tractors, trucks, antique cars, bicycles, golf carts – and even their dogs – in red, white and blue to march a few blocks on the way to the picnic.  Being the good sport that she is, Beverly participates with us every year.)

This is the first time that there’s been any kind of contest.  So when we heard about the Most Patriotic Dessert challenge, our competitive spirits surfaced.  Originally, we had planned to make Beverly’s Red, White & Blue 10-Minute Trifle because the traditional English dessert had been one of George Washington’s favorites.  And because Beverly likes to make desserts with booze in them.

As luck would have it, Beverly and Marc came down with a debilitating flu.  The last place Beverly wanted to be was in the kitchen.  So I was on my own and decided to make something that I’d done before:  a Fourth of July Flag Cake.

Directions:

• Bake a sheet cake.  My pan was approximately 11”X15”.  Choose any flavor you want.  I chose almond.
• Cut pieces from both long sides of the cake to resemble “waves” of the flag.
• Cover the cake with white icing.  I usually cover this cake with whipped cream, which makes it taste like a strawberry shortcake.  But because it was going to be sitting outside in the hot sun, I substituted a traditional white icing of confectioner’s sugar, shortening, flavor extract (vanilla and almond in my case) and water.
• Draw a square in the icing with a knife in the upper left hand corner to be the blue field of the flag.  (It helps to look at a photo of the American flag to get the stars and stripes right.)
• Pipe some of the icing around the perimeter of the cake and around the square to contain the fruit so that it won’t fall off the cake later.
• Cut tops off the strawberries and slice them vertically about 1/8” thick.
• Overlap strawberry pieces to form 7 stripes on the cake.
• Place blueberries on the cake to form the blue field.
• Pipe white icing between the rows of strawberries to create the white stripes and on top of the blueberries to form the 50 stars.

What did I win?  No trophy, no medal, no certificate…but lots of goodwill from the neighborhood kids.  Which I hope will come in handy around Halloween.

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Flag Cake for Fourth of July

The first thing I worked on was the centerpiece.  I spent exactly $2.29 on it.  And that was for the pineapple from Costco.  The rest of the elements were a water glass from the cabinet and flowers and herbs from my so-called garden.

Here’s what I did:

I cut the leaves off the top of the pineapple to use later.  I hollowed out the pineapple (saving the the fruit to serve with our Mai Tai’s).  I rinsed the inside, dried it and  inserted a glass of water into the cavity.

Next, I trimmed the leaf section of the pineapple — cutting away the bottom and using scizzors to reshape some of the dried-out leaves.  Then I angled the leaves across the top opening.

I added three stems of Bougainvillea, two Black Eyed Susans and a couple bunches of mint.

As they say in Hawaii…Okole Maluna!

Saucy Sis1

Pineapple-Floral Centerpiece

Had I ever thought of other uses for veggies that no one else ate but me, those long-legged beauties might have been the center of attention at our dinner table. But only years later have I realized that anything from our gardens can be wondrous on our tables.

Here’s How to Make Your Asparagus Vase

Select a flower vase – any kind or shape and get out a rubber band. Put the rubber band around the vase.  Get a bunch or two of asparagus (same length or not, doesn’t matter) and stand each asparagus spear through the rubber band, each one touching until the vase is covered.  Tie a ribbon around the vase, covering the rubber band.  Put your favorite flowers into the vase.

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I rimmed the glass in red by first moistening the rim with grenadine (although any liquid would work) and dipping it into a pile of red sugar crystals that I had in the pantry for decorating cookies.  And to hang the cherry over the side, I used a hook for Christmas ornaments that somehow never made it to the storage box in January.

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White Chocolate Martini with Hanging Cherry

They were planning an open house at their studio to showcase and sell their work, and we offered to cater the food.  But how do you design a buffet table to match their funky art?  One element became “Miss Potato Head” who sat between the broccoli and carrots on a vegetable platter watching over the dip.

She started out simply enough as a russet potato with one end cut off so that she could stand up.  I made her quite substantial nose from the leftover potato and her eyes from stuffed olives.  Her lips and hair are carrots.  Her arms are wooden skewers covered with lettuce.

Decorate a vegetable platter with Miss Potato Head

And as every party girl worth her salt knows, you need an outfit that makes a statement.  Miss Potato Head thought her classic string of pearls sent a message of unpretentious elegance.

SaucySis 1

Let me preface this story by saying that Beverly recently married Marc, a wonderful Southern gentleman who has brought my sister much happiness.  Before Marc, there was another beau.  I’ll just call him Bob.

Bob was something of a wine snob.  Had an impressive cellar, for sure.  But, truth be known, he was extremely cheap when it came to sharing his cache.  So, it came as a complete surprise when a bottle of 1998 Cuvée R. Lalou Champagne was delivered to Beverly and Marc as a wedding gift from Bob.

Now, this bottle was a Prestige Cuvée Champagne from G.H. Mumm that was much ballyhooed when it was released in 2008.  You know about those Prestige Cuvées…those super-expensive Champagnes made in small quantities that are supposed to represent the finest achievement of the Champagne House.  The suggested retail back then was $160.

We know that frugal Bob didn’t pay that.  Don’t get me wrong, we all love a good wine bargain.  But how did we know that Bob paid less?  He left the price tag on the bottle – which is SO Bob!  $121.99.  Still…a nice gift.

Marc is a very secure man.  But, for reasons known only to him, he didn’t want that bottle of Champagne hanging around their house for long.  So, to that end, Beverly and Marc brought the Cuvée R. Lalou to our house for cocktails on Sunday.  (“Pour it for Barbara…She’ll drink anything.”)  As they were driving over, Beverly related some of the published reviews of the Champagne to Marc.  Glowing, glowing, glowing.

The only silver lining for Marc was one reviewer’s comment to the effect of “drink it now in 2008 because it’s going to go downhill quickly.”  Aha!  Surely, that was Bob’s revenge.   The old boyfriend  knew the bubbly was bad but sent it in the guise of a thoughtful gesture.

With that as the back story, we eased the cork out of the R. Lalou and poured it into our flutes.  As we watched the bubbles dance up the glasses and prepared to take our first sips, I couldn’t help but think that maybe I should say something critical about the wine…just for Marc’s sake.  But then, if I was going to be overwhelmed by the Champagne’s exquisite taste, I really shouldn’t lie.  Then again, maybe the wine would truly be past its prime, in which case I could legitimately badmouth the benefactor.

We all took a sip and looked at each other expectantly.  I needn’t have worried about what to say.  The simple truth solved any possible issue.  The Champagne tasted just as I suspect the winemaker intended.  It was intense, still fresh, and with plenty of fruit.

Okay, so it had not fallen on hard times, but did I like it?  The short answer is it really wasn’t my cup of tea.  As with many fine French Champagnes, it was made in a style that is heavy on the smoke and yeast.  Millions of people think that’s an asset.  To my Americanized palate, the taste is musty.  Not something I appreciate.  So, I could honestly tell Marc I’d rather drink the $7 bottle of Cristalino cava he brought as a backup.

In the end, the Prestige Cuvée was never going to seriously jeopardize this new marriage.  But, all the same, I’m glad the empty bottle is ready for recycling.

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If it weren't for "bride-to-be" Jenna, we wouldn't be counting our wine calories.

In a week Beverly and Marc and Paul and I are headed to our niece Jenna’s wedding in Louisville.  It promises to be, in the words of our German grandmother, a “fancy-schmancy” affair.  So, naturally, Beverly and I invested in dresses that would suit the formal occasion.

Because both of our outfits are what you might call form-fitting, our main concern has been that the dresses don’t sneak into the category of “snug” or just plain “tight” by the wedding day.  To keep any weight gain at bay, Beverly decided to  cut her consumption of wine until the moment she steps into the reception at The Henry Clay.

Not me.  I’m not giving up my nightly wine.  I’ll fight the battle of the bulge any other way.  To justify my position, I point to the recent study from Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital.  It found that women who imbibe with a drink or two a day actually gained less weight than teetotalers over time.

Okay, so the drinkers didn’t actually LOSE weight.  And they tended to substitute liquor for other foods (especially carbs), rather than consume it in addition to their meals.  That’s fine with me.

And it’s apparently fine with Jennifer Aniston too.  (Not that I’m comparing myself to her.  Only in Paul’s dreams!)  Jen shared her diet secrets in the UK edition of Harper’s Bazaar magazine.  She said, “You’re not taking away my coffee or my dairy or my glass of wine because I’d be devastated. My advice: just stop eating s–t every day.”

Now, that girl is making some sense.  On average, a glass of dry table wine is about 25 calories per ounce.  Would I rather have a 5-ounce glass of Charles Krug Family Reserve Generations for 125 calories or a single-serving bag of Lay’s Potato Chips for 230 calories?  The wine wins, hands down.

Would I choose a glass of Spy Valley Sauvignon Blanc over a scoop of Baskin Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream for 270 calories?  You bet.  How about a Pizza Hut 6” Personal Pan Pepperoni Pizza at 610 calories?  For that I could rationalize TWO glasses of Segura Viudas Cava at a measly (by comparison) 250 calories.

I admire my sister for her determination and self-control.  But giving up wine?  I just don’t get it.

By Saucy Sis 1